I've been thinking about this a lot as well. After my father died I had to help my mom deal with some of his assets. They had set up a revocable trust and most everything transferred smoothly but Dad had some company stock that was not in the trust. That was a nightmare but I managed it. Dad's IRA was then in Mom's name and she was obviously very nervous about the amount (about 1 million at Vanguard). I talked to her frequently about just transferring it to Vanguard's PAS but she never did anything. She finally talked to an advisor at Wells Fargo and wanted me to be there with the initial discussion which I was. She hadn't signed anything yet but that Wells Fargo rep called me and strongly suggested I check on my mother due to some 'questionable financial actions'. This was before he was able to present his plan for her assets and she hadn't signed anything yet. He couldn't really tell me exactly what she was doing, but I got the message. I dropped everything and confronted my mother. She had pulled 500k out of her IRA and split it into two bank accounts. She was then feeding money into that Publishers clearinghouse scam. There was a little more than that in it but with my brothers help I got that money back into her IRA before 60 days had passed. What she lost I then chalked up to her RMD and was able to avoid the worst of the tax consequences. After that I did go with my mom to the second presentation with the Wells Fargo guy. Mom was all ready to just sign things over but I said we'd think about it. When I got home I calculated the actual amount of money she would be paying the guy rather than the percentage. "Oh,that's a lot of money". I then told her what Vanguard charged and she agreed to listen to their proposal. I sat with her for that (video conference) and she agreed to that and also gave me limited authorization on it as well. Once that was done she relaxed about the investments and didn't worry about it anymore. I was always with her when she had her yearly discussions with the advisor and didn't really have any concerns. Eventually I convinced my mom to go into assisted living nearer me and about that time got full authorization over her accounts with Vanguard. I am not Mom's DOA, my brother is, but I am managing everything with full disclosure to both my brothers (thankfully we get along great). Now mom is in memory care and thankfully her LTC insurance is covering all of her expenses. She is in a zero tax bracket for the next 3-4 years until her LTC insurance runs out. I was thinking this year about doing roth conversions for her to try to avoid a tax bomb for my brothers and I when she dies. I paid a fee only advisor to review the plan and with my brothers approval presented this plan to my Mom's advisor. He didn't argue about it at all and the only concern he had was how to open a roth in my Mom's name when she can't sign for it. Luckily he checked with Vanguard and they agreed I could open it since she had given me full authority over her accounts when she went into assisted living.
Neither I or my brothers are married and we have no kids between us. I'm the youngest and am heir to my brothers fortunes as well. I am thinking we are all just going to lump together on this. All of us have been very impressed with the care Mom is getting at the facility she is at. We joked (half seriously) that we will all get adjoining rooms in the same facility so we could eat and visit together but not actually live together. I discussed with my older brother about some CCRC's I know of and I'm actually going to research that. I'm also planning to get an Estate attorney to review things and maybe get them to help represent us if necessary. Neither my brother or I have a will yet and after a recent health scare I am determined to set that up before my disability runs out and I have to go back to work. I don't really have any advice here but am just laying out my thoughts given my situation. I think using a financial advisor is a good thing even if you want to self manage. Mom's Vanguard rep has always listened to our wishes and has been very easy to work with. I also think that getting a trusted family member or friend named as a contact is good as well. That Well's Fargo rep should not have told me what my Mom was up to but I'm very, very glad he did!
Neither I or my brothers are married and we have no kids between us. I'm the youngest and am heir to my brothers fortunes as well. I am thinking we are all just going to lump together on this. All of us have been very impressed with the care Mom is getting at the facility she is at. We joked (half seriously) that we will all get adjoining rooms in the same facility so we could eat and visit together but not actually live together. I discussed with my older brother about some CCRC's I know of and I'm actually going to research that. I'm also planning to get an Estate attorney to review things and maybe get them to help represent us if necessary. Neither my brother or I have a will yet and after a recent health scare I am determined to set that up before my disability runs out and I have to go back to work. I don't really have any advice here but am just laying out my thoughts given my situation. I think using a financial advisor is a good thing even if you want to self manage. Mom's Vanguard rep has always listened to our wishes and has been very easy to work with. I also think that getting a trusted family member or friend named as a contact is good as well. That Well's Fargo rep should not have told me what my Mom was up to but I'm very, very glad he did!
Statistics: Posted by chasingbutterflies — Thu Nov 20, 2025 12:05 am — Replies 50 — Views 2759